Hooray! And I’m already knackered!
It was my first day proper today. This meant a lot of nervous laughter and slideshows, which thankfully weren’t subtitled with inspirational messages and soundtracked by M People, as it did for Robert at his university.
I have been having the lurching, “OH BLOODY HELL WHAT AM I DOING?” feeling in the night for weeks. But sitting in class today and smiling at the phrase, “forensic mental health” reassured me that my decision may not have been so bad after all. Having signed my life away for three years, I guess time will tell. It’s going to be incredibly weird being on the other side of that keycode door. I remember longingly watching nurses fiddle with it and wondering… what’s behind there? I imagined old mummified men hanging from the plaster ceiling like bats, the ones who couldn’t be cured. I’ll find out the answer soon enough, and I strongly suspect it is filing and biscuits.
I have Mondays and Tuesdays off until January so I’m going to try and use (and force) as much of that time as possible to write. Not just essays and rambling, panicked notes to my tutors either. I need the money, if anything. I have approximately £buggerall to live on after I pay my rent. Going on the game is against the NMC code of conduct as far as I’m aware. (I will also not be blogging about my course, sorry!)
Anyway, there you go! Who’d have thunk it four years ago when I first started writing to you lot, eh? I’ve joined the dark side. Now in a few years when the next generation of mental health bloggers bitch about their bastard nurses, it could be me they’re talking about!
I absolutely promise not to be a horrible nurse. I’ve had my share, and I’ve had my share of absolutely brilliant ones. I would like to be the latter if the NHS isn’t absolutely savaged and completely privatised by then.